Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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