Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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