Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
