sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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