Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
