I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
this hospital has no fireball
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
