He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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