what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
