Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
