I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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