Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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