i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
