he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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