I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
