this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize