Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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