On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
