wat bout pragnant strippers??
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
My breasts were aching with rage.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
