Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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