dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize