Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who died my cat blue again?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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