Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
