And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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