yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
