I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think your dad took our porno
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
