its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
