and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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