Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
operation have a gay friend backfired
no you cant smoke seaweed
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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