I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize