Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
