You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
