you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
