You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
