my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
