Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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