I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
