I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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