i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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