Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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