watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
