I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
