I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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