"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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