I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Randomize
