I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
In America we eat man semen.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
