I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
