3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
