well you can't waste a boner
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
