i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
