If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
