Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
