You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
