dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
