Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
