I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize