you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
