U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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