and i looked up. we had an audience...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I fill condoms, not promises.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize