1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
