why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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