I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
