yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
