I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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