I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
