hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
