your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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