Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
