So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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