I cannot find my penis.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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